Lost and forgotten, a mere shadow of the girl I once knew. Seeking peace and solace in her twisted head. A heart of gold turned black by darkness, still trying to not give in. Affected by the world around her, a world that doesn't care.

Maybe my minds playing tricks on me, maybe I'm going insane. The evil that lives inside me wants to come out to play. Why continue to fight it, when happiness never stays? Light turns to darkness and smiles fade. Lost souls searching for their twin flames walk the path alone into darker days. A punishment carried over from past lives, long forgotten.

Sometimes you need to let the darkness out, to let the light in.

I don’t even know where to begin, nothing in life has ever come easy for me, I have had my ups and downs but have always held onto what is right and what is wrong. I have spent my life depending on logic and not letting my emotions lead me, I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t. I have known my fate for years; my life will end by my own hands. I know it, I have seen it and I accept it, yet my logical brain has never allowed it.

Over the course of the last few months, everything has changed and I know longer have that control. My emotions are taking over and I feel like I am at a war, in a battle that cannot be won. There has to be a balance between the light and the darkness when one side takes over the battle is lost. I have been lost in my own self-pity and drowning in a sea of darkness for much too long, dancing with the demons that made me.

Recently, I saw the light and was happy with myself for the first time in many years. Then just as fast as it come, it was gone. I finally hit my bottom and was done. After, a fun night of drinking and partying, I walked into my empty bedroom and decided I was done. It just clicked and I was ready. I sat down, wrote a note to my family and told myself there was no going back. I remember getting up and putting my shoes and coat on to walk into the woods. The coyotes were yelping outside and I hoped the smell of blood flowing from my wrist would draw them in. Then something must have happened, I must have never gone.

The next thing, I know I am being woke up by several female voices, calling my name at once. It was like a chaotic chant, only two voices stood out. A voice that was almost song like, completely the opposite of all the other voices. It was a pretty sound, meant to draw me in. I could feel its darkness behind the sweetness. Then there was a loud voice, the one that finally woke me up, it was hard, loud and familiar.  

I still don’t know why I didn’t go through with it. My shoes were sitting nicely by my bed,  and my coat flung over the back of a chair. I feel that it was the darkness that saved me and now the real battle has begun.